Spirit Animals

Dear Bowie
Today, on her popular blog http://luckwouldhaveit.blogspot.com/, my girlfriend had a wonderful post on spirit animals. I wanted to post a response but it ended up being too verbose and full of pictures to do as a comment on hers, so here are my spirit animals.


Caribou: This totem is about travel and mobility. It is a symbol of not only wanderlust but also adaptability in adversity, as Caribou are nomadic creatures that travel over 3000 miles and are able to adapt to their surroundings and thrive.



Owl: Qualities of the owl center around wisdom, transition, and mystery. The owl is wise because of his ability to see into the mystery and know things that others cannot.





The otter was always my favorite animal to go see at the zoo as a child. They are playful and carefree gliding through the water. They show us, with their curiosity and playfulness, that everything is interesting.

And finally the Sasquatch: This gigantic illusive wild man represents the animalistic side of humanity and teaches us that not everything in this world can truly be known. Some see it as a gentle protector of the lands that man has yet to corrupt. I see it as a reminder to live within our means and not try to overreach our powers and control nature.

Rapture

Dear Bowie,

Since sources are saying that the rapture is going to happen this week-end, I had been trying to think of a way to stick it to the rapture believers when this week-end is over and we are all still here. Then I thought that everyone was going to do that and anything I could do would be no more than adding to the static noise. It makes no difference, people believe what they want to believe and they want someone to tell them what to believe so they don't have to think about it themselves. Enter radical christian radio-show hosts. It is easier to rely on a radio show host to interpret the bible for us so we don't have to make thoughts of our own to piece together the words and what they might actually mean and the historical and cultural context in which they were written. The truth of the matter is that no matter how much we stick it to them, they will go on believing what they want to and they will believe the same religious radio hosts next rapture or even believe that the rapture actually did happen. There's a thought, lets join them. People disappear every day, we can find a list of the people who went missing and label them the chosen. Maybe leave some empty suits of clothes on benches and try to snag up those jobs that believers have quit due to their anticipated exit to the heavenly realm. If you don't receive any post rapture letters, assume that I was one of the chosen. See you on the other side, Bowie.
-Micah

"I'm happy, hope you're happy too. I've loved all I've needed love. Sordid details following"
-David Bowie "Ashes to Ashes"

State of the Union

Dear Bowie,

For generations, the American population has been falling into a state of depravity. We have been subject to institutionalized desensitization to human nature. Why is it that when a man walks into a room and yells "Party!" it never elicits the response of partying anymore. The command once meant to incite partying behavior such as dancing and even the occasional removal of clothing now only begets sneers and looks of disdain, unless the people in the room are already partying, then it is met by a lame utterance of a "woooooooo!" or a "YEAAHHH." Only the simplest of minds still meet this assertion favorably as a commencement of partying from a non-partying original state. It is these outstanding individuals that should be emulated by all and selected for reproduction. Mass production of super humans with the ability to party on command can only mean good things for the world community. Imagine differences forgotten, frustrations relieved, wars ended with a single word. But, alas, this is not our world and it cannot be, unless Science do something about it. (I know they're working on it underneath Virginia) Unfortunately, it would take a massive movement of eugenics stacked with behavioral conditioning, a vitamin and prayer regimen, as well as fluoride in the water supply on a world-wide scale. This feat is only achievable if the whole world agrees to it, which we all know cannot be done without the party response itself. And thus the world is doomed to destruction, fear, and shame.
-Micah

"This aint Rock n' Roll, this is Genocide! As they pulled you out of the Oxygen tent you asked for the latest party. With your silicon hump and your ten inch stump, dressed like a priest you was, Tod Browning freak you was." -David Bowie "Diamond Dogs"

recent movie reviews (vnaiuehfcae)

dear Bowie

i just saw daybreak and oddly enough... it was not even as good as avatar. i thought that a vampyre movie starring ethan hawk and willem defoe would be really fuckin' badass... but it wasn't... not even a little bit. those are two of my favorite actors, especially willem defoe, but the movie was irreparably bad, not even their acting could save it. the roll was all wrong for willem, and i feel like it would have been better played by either samuel l jackson, or david hasselhof. as for the roll played by ethan hawk... only christian bale could have saved it. the easier solution would have been good writing, directing, and whatever the hell else goes into making a movie, the problem clearly was not the actors.

coming soon, Bowie; recent movies that are better than avatar (almost all the movies i have seen lately make the list, except this one and of course 2012... which i have not actually seen, but will still put on the worse than avatar list)

Oklahoma F.U.

dear Bowie,

here are some reasons why oklahoma can suck it

for starters, the roads suck. as soon as you cross the boarder into oklahoma, the roads are dramatically worse. and this especially pisses me off because they are toll roads, and i'm paying to drive on these shitty roads.

the highway signs are in BRAIL!!! ok, it's not really brail, and it's not all the signs, but more than a few signs are written with reflective dots that are not very reflective so you can't read them until you are right on top of them

you have to pull off the road to pay the tolls, and they sneak up on you. if you miss a toll, a camera gets a picture of your license and bills you $100

there is a mysterious force in oklahoma known only as "the smoke." there are signs along the roads that say "do not drive into the smoke." and all emitions from smoke stacks are illuminated so that you can see them in the middle of the night. it's almost as though it is a god to them. they light it up so the people can know at all times that this protecting force is watching over them. maybe it's to scare the indians (casino, not convenience store) away. this mysterious protector has stopped one of my trips through oklahoma short before. my vehicle was enveloped by the smoke in oklahoma city and it destroyed my engine.

the ground bleeds red whenever it rains... quite creepy

there is not a gas station, or any sign of civilized life between tulsa and oklahoma city. and believe me you do not want to run out of gas near a town called "broken arrow." this stretch of highway is the last remaining savage land in america.

what the hell is a sooner anyway? the sooner state? that sounds so stupid. i would sooner staple my scrotum to a door and slam it than live in oklahoma.

resolution

dear Bowie,

i've never made a new years resolution before, but this year i have resolved to take up smoking. a lot of you health nuts will discourage me, but do you really want to live forever? i personally want to be ripped apart by wild animals before i turn 30. that's the perfect way to go, and i will laugh as it happens. lymphoma is not quite as dramatic, but at least it's something. a lot of people are going to feel really stupid one day when all of their friends are dead and they are stuck in a hospital bed dying of nothing.

oh, and best album of the year: john frusciante's "empyrian." david byrne and bryan eno's "everthing that happens will happen" is a close runner up.

take it on the run

dear Bowie,

a colleague of mine is in a situation where he is breaking up with a girl, but it is not final yet. he wants to end it quick and efficiently because bitches will draw that out and make the break-up last forever. i personally have never really needed to break up with anyone so i had no advice for him, but my brilliant friend jamey hungerford has a system. all you have to do is recite tom petty and reo speed-wagon lyrics, and maybe invert them to your purposes. here is an example of the perfect break-up.

i don't feel you anymore, you darken my door. I'm going to take it on the run, and stop dragging your heart around. i've given up on waiting any longer. i'm tired of holding on to a feeling that is gone, i do believe that i have had enough. i thought that i could take you away with my money and my cocaine. you're gonna listen to your heart, it's gonna tell you what to do. you might need a lot of loving but you don't need me. and though it hurts to say goodbye, it's time for me to fly.

this is a sure fire way to end the relationship quick and efficiently. if she realizes that you are just saying tom petty and reo speed-wagon lyrics, then you look like a huge jack-ass, but the job is still done. if she doesn't realize, it's a clean break, and you can probably even get back your dawsons creek season 1 dvd's.